bruceb

...since I last wrote "I've delivered a completed draft to the publisher"? Maybe since Hollow Earth Expeditions, yes? Well...

I've delivered a completed draft to the publisher.

It's not long. And it wasn't exciting to write. But it's one of those things that I'm going to use myself, a lot, and I suspect others will too. What it is...well, heck, I'll just quote a bit.

Level 11
Ability Scores: Assign starting scores; add 1 to each ability, then distribute 4 bonus points.
Paragon Path: Your character is on a paragon path. Choose one and write down the features gained at level 11.
Passive Perception and Insight: 5 + your character’s Wisdom modifier
Initiative: +5 + your character’s Dexterity modifier
Armor Class: +5 + bonuses from armor and shield, + your character’s Dexterity or Intelligence modifier if they’re wearing light or no armor
Fortitude Defense: 15 + your character’s Strength or Constitution modifier
Reflex Defense: 15 + your character’s Dexterity or Intelligence modifier
Will Defense: 15 + your character’s Wisdom or Charisma modifier
Basic Melee Attack: +5 + your character’s Strength modifier
Basic Ranged Attack: +5 + your character’s Dexterity modifier
Trained Skills: +10 + the modifier for that skill’s ability
Untrained Skills: +5 + the modifier for that skill’s ability
Feats: 7
At-Will Powers: 2
Per-Encounter Powers: 4 (1 from paragon tier)
Daily Powers: 3
Utility Powers: 3

Like that, for every level, with a few explanatory notes. Look for it soon from Adamant Entertainment. (Yes, of course I'll have a link to vendor sites when Gareth is done with it.)

This is follow-up to my post of yesterday.

This is the big challenge for me, in some ways: reducing the number of instantly available distractions. I'm distractible. And, for that matter, I genuinely do have a hard time concentrating intensely on any one thing for extended periods not just because I'm weak-willed in some ways but because my neurochemistry is addled. My bad habits in this regard are mostly responses to a bad situation. (I don't think I'm being boastful when I say that some of my responsive habits are quite good, but then they're not bothering me right now, either.)

So one of the important things for me is to reduce the extent to which potential distractions are calling for my attention.

Hmm.

I'm one of those people who often finds out what they're thinking in the act of writing it down or explaining to others. For instance, I just realized that I could experiment with turning off IM sounds and see how much it recedes into the background. Focused interventions may do me some good here.

This is me thinking out loud about dealing with the gradual recovery of my ability to write productively. I am concerned that part of it giving some hurt to people I care about, and I want to explain my thoughts in hopes that there may be some relief in it. Or, at least, understanding.

The problem is simple enough: I don't have the mental energy to keep up my usual online activity and write as I'd wish.

The solution is simple enough, as far as it comes: I'm taking myself offline more often, for rest and for writing.

The second layer problem is also simple: there are people who count on me for talk about things you don't want to air in public but that really need support and encouragement from someone, and people who are that for me when I need to air them, and like that.

I don't think I have a long-term solution to that layer. For one thing, I feel confident that my situation isn't in any sort of stable equilibrium. It's changing week by week, and sometimes more often than that. I'm very much playing it by ear, with a heavy dose of "as long as this particular mix continues" in my decisions.

It's working, I think. My bouts of real productivity are increasing. I'm getting somewhere. I think that down the road somewhere I'll be able to do that and be active online as much as I'd wish. I'm just disappointed, sometimes a lot, that right now, somewhere in the middle of that long road, I have to make a choice between the prose and the interactions. I think I'm choosing well, but the regrets run deep.

If you're one of the folks who may feel I'm neglecting you...well, I kinda do too, and I'm sorry about it, but I don't see that I have any really good choices about it. Maybe something will kick loose now that I've named and admitted what's bugging me.

I was originally going to make this friends-only, but then I remembered the extent to which people not on my friends list pass some of my posts around.

I've discovered a pattern in my writing blocks of this last year. Whenever I get going well on something, it's just about inevitable that I'll end up chatting with one or more friends about whether the project has any commercial prospects, and if so, what, and like that. And when I do that...I stop being able to write that thing.

This is, to put it mildly, not a baffling mystery. If anything I'm surprised it took me so long to identify the pattern. (I did in fact research it, with file-touched dates and IM logs.) It'd be a bit surprising if someone with my attempted-writing history of recent years weren't at least as gun-shy about it as I am.

I'm going to try something about it: while working on any particular bit of writing, I'm just not going to talk about its commercial side. If I happen to be chatting with you, Gentle Reader, about any such, please help me out by not asking. Thanks!

In some (big, important) ways, this is just stating the obvious. But conversations with various friends over the last few days helped me bring something into focus: the part of writing for publication that really sapped my enthusiasm and energy was the effort to be fair in handling a) players who had no interest in being anything like fair and b) players who really weren't a good match for the game, and who would want it to do things it wasn't well set up for at all. This isn't the first time I've thought that part of what keeps the indie scene flourishing is the foundational willingness to not try being everything to everybody. Whether it's saying "all hail the mighty rules and their glorious creator" or just "this game isn't set up to do that, if you want that try X instead", there's much to be said for giving up the effort to be universally or just very widely applicable.